Today I came home after a night of work. I fed the horses again and went to bed with a splitting headache.
I quickly took a painkiller, but once again I couldn’t fall asleep. The last time I checked the clock, it was 10:30 AM.
At 4 PM, my oldest son woke me up. I had already been awake for about 20 minutes, but I didn’t feel like getting up… not ready to face the same daily routine again.
But I had no choice.
When I got up, the grandchildren were there, always happy to see me. But just like I expected, I saw my girlfriend lying on the couch, sleeping.
That told me everything.
She was sleeping off another drinking episode.
And from years of experience, I already knew what kind of evening this would become.
I went to the garage to try and drink a coffee and smoke a cigarette in peace.
But that didn’t last long.
My oldest son followed me almost immediately and started complaining about his mother… about his life.
There went the little bit of peace I had.
Five minutes later, he went back to the living room… and within one minute, I heard them shouting at each other again.
And just like that… we were back in it for the rest of the evening.
Around 10 PM, things calmed down a bit.
But my oldest son kept coming back, asking questions about everything and nothing.
By 11 PM, he finally went to bed.
That left me 15 minutes to get ready for work… and then a 30-minute bike ride to get there.
So here we go again.
What will Sunday bring?
I still hope that one day I can change this life.
What they don’t understand is that I try to do everything to make them happy… every single day.
That hurts the most.
Giving up my own peace and happiness doesn’t bother me… but realizing that I still can’t make them happy… that hits hard.
And then there is my girlfriend.
Doctors, specialists, even oncologists all say the same thing: alcohol is highly cancer-causing. They strongly advise cancer patients not to drink.
And what does she do?
She keeps drinking.
Even after two serious cancer risk diagnoses… she continues like nothing happened.
I cannot understand that.
As for me, I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t use drugs. I try to take care of my nutrition, I exercise regularly, and I cycle 30 km to work five days a week.
And I have never had cancer.
Anyway… I’m going to try to sleep now.
And then it will be Sunday again.
See you tomorrow.
